I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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