his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I am available for nakedness
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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