Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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