Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
