i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
