I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
