belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
