It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He shit in the fireplace
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize