booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My ass is underappreciated
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
