he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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