Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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