it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
