Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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