??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
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dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
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She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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