He disabled his match.com account in front of me
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
