Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
