yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
