yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
