im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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