12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
