I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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