I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
it's like heaven, but drunker
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
