im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
