Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize