He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
