She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize