What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
