i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
