once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
