i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men