I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
