This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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