i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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