Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
