I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
