My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
