I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
