Is it because I queefed?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
