Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
kristin has been a bad kristin
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
