M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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