For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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