dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
