I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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