Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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