wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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