Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
