so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
