remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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