12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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