So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
