this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
