I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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