Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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