I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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