I hope mine doesn't look like that
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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