good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
