Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Randomize
