Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
