Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
