Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
