I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
