i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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