in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
