I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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