i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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