We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
