i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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