Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
