Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
