no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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