I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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