I hate your face
from now on my penis is your penis
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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