Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
How external is "for external use only"?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
