I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
