the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
