You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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