Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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