Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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