Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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