never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
